So Here's Proof I'm Definitely Delusional

Given a merit scholarship application with a fast-approaching deadline, a complex housing application, and a Business Law exam, I should have no problem keeping myself productive. But noooo!

My obsession with like apartments and shelter in general (there's definitely a subconscious motivation to my wearing a hood) always gets in the way of productivity. And this time, it's manifested itself in an unyielding desire to find an apartment for any and every set of circumstances.

And since the likelihood that any of these circumstances actually play out is slim (although the chances are fat), I might as well share my findings here so they don't go to waste.


#1. The Sale-Leaseback 
After working my parents down, I finally convince them that it'd be more lucrative for them to buy a rundown apartment in Greenwich Village or the West Village, let me spearhead a masterful renovation, and then rent it to me during my second and third years of law school. But finding an apartment suited to this context is tricky! One-bedroom apartments will be worth more everything said and done, but can I really justify the extra imaginary expense? And does the imaginary me really want the imaginary burden of having to regularly entertain my imaginary New York friends because I have more imaginary space than they all have in their real-life, mentally-sound apartments? DEFINITELY NOT. NEXT!

#2. The Obvious Choice
Doing what everybody else does is oftentimes a logical option because everybody else wouldn't be doing it if it was illogical. But now I'm faced with the totally inhospitable downtown rental market. This set of circumstances instantly makes me picture cat, rat, and squatter poop. Oh, and Murray Hill. But careful investigation indicates that perfectly amazing apartments are available for rent, and even at decent prices. So now I'm forced to deal with the whole "To roommate or not to roommate?" question, and I'm not happy about it. I didn't see The Roommate, but i know a roommate can be bad. Especially if I'm trying to study and my roommate is trying to juggle bowling balls over a pile of metal sheet pans. And once I lose my roommate, do I really want to learn how to use Craigslist? NEXT!  

#3. The Overextension 

I don't know too much about the loan market these days, but I hear banks are willing to lend out millions on toothy smiles alone. (Remember: delusional!) So the final possibility involves me taking out a sizable loan and then buying a classic seven uptown. Of course, there's the imaginary commute to think about, but my imaginary driver is aggressive and willing to be on-call outside my imaginary lofty office at all times. So that's settled. The real problem with this set of circumstances is the impact my classic seven will have on my reputation. People already accuse me of trying to reroute their flight from Punta Cana to Palm Beach. And also for planning to do work in Punta Cana. I need to show everybody how wild I am, and I hear wild is mostly just available below 59th Street. Update: Wild 75-year-old Philanthropist Passes out After Single Glass of Wine at Antonucci! Looks like I have no choice but to overextend myself!