Martha Stewart Controls Some Things, but Not Everything

Have you seen that sad picture of Martha Stewart with nine stitches across her upper lip? Apparently, one of her many fancy lady dogs came at her when she went to bid the dog adieu.

I find this situation surprising. For my professional blogging career (HAHAHA), I keep tabs on Martha Stewart and all of her domestic doings. She keeps a home in East Hampton, and usually publishes photographs of it on her own blog. Well, her "Social Medial Assistant" publishes all of these photographs, but that's besides the point. The essence of Martha Stewart publishes photographs of her East Hampton home, and how well-kept it is, and also of her Katonah farm, and how organized and well-kept it is, and of her farm animals, and how organized and well-kept they are.

Like this one time, Martha's Social Media Assistant posted photographs of a Holiday party Martha's Holiday Party Assistant threw at the Katonah farm. To add punch to the table settings, Martha had life-size ducks and geese and other barn animals all posing and stuff. Martha's party guests assumed these were fake animals, but I'm nearly certain they were real animals that Martha trained to hold fanciful poses for extended periods of time. Martha gives the animals insider trading tips, and these animals listen! Martha's good at controlling animals and situations that way.

So to review, Martha's able to lead this perfectly civilized and orderly life in some ways, but when it comes to the actual bitches in her life (not the ones she hires), she's just like the rest of us! Well, except that her Social Media Assistant had to photograph and document the entire ordeal for Martha's fans. (Oh, and then Tweet at TMZ for illegally using those photographs.)